


we are all going forward (none of us are going back)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [16]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (France), SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: & then the evens just all kinda hang out together, 'cause you know in this series you have the matteo+shay+flora squad, F/F, FINALLY A CRIS POV, Fluff, I'VE GOTTEN ALL TWELVE OF THEM THEIR OWN POV FIC, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Shopping, all of my kids are idiots and i love them, all of the evaks living in antwerp together, and then Robbe and Sander kind of hang out on their own, but anyway, but then you have the study squad (+occasionally LucasVDH), did y'all miss me?, i feel like the cris+isak+marti+(sometimes Lucas) squad really needs a name, that warning is for Cris' mother, they're all disaster gays/bis, though they do hang out w/ the others, who are only more chaotic/disastrous when in contact w/ each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23647015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Becoming best friends with a bunch of guys was not exactly where Cris saw her university years going, but she can’t exactly say that she’s that upset. These guys- boys though they most certainly are- get her in a way that most don't.Sure, she has a different parent situation than most of them do. Other than Marti, none of her counterparts have lived with their parents since they were 15. But she does understand rocky parental relationships. She understands the feeling of having to hold a secret so close to your chest that you feel like you just might explode from the force of it.Sure, she’s in love with a girl with long hair and soft hands and an absolutely fantastic set of boobs, not a boy who's made of leanness and hard angles and stubble, but the premise is the same. She understands being fetishized and spat at and misunderstood and hated just because you fell in love with someone of the same sex as you.(Cris and Marti go shopping and end up pulling Lucas and Isak in on a wild game of chaos and idiocy. Our heroes, guys, gals, and non-binary pals.)
Relationships: Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña & Martino Rametta, Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña & Martino Rametta & Lucas Lallemant & Isak Valtersen, Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña/Joana Bianchi Acosta, Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta
Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550230
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	we are all going forward (none of us are going back)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Richard Siken.
> 
> This fic takes place post Mamma Rametta visit/Isak and Even getting engaged but pre-Lucas VDH. Basically in the order I've put it in this series.
> 
> (Just a note that y'all can probably skip if you want to just read the story- all of the rest of this author's note is now under the notes for the entire series, if anyone wants to read it later.)
> 
> Hey, guys. So, I'm going to be honest here. My muse for Skam France has been steadily dying down over the past couple of months as the writers proceeded to kind of ruin everything I like about Skam (the realism of character motivations, the pretty decent treatment of female, queer, and neurodivergent characters), and it took a lot of effort to get back into writing.
> 
> I've had people ask me if Arthur is still deaf in this version of events, and though I would absolutely LOVE to say yes, it's going to be a no for two reasons: one, I wrote the fic introducing him in this series before Season 5 and thus he's already been introduced as not deaf, and two, that Season5 of Skam France is something that I can't rewatch past the end of the first episode without getting a bad taste in my mouth because of the love triangle, the cheating by Arthur, and the comments about cheating made by Eliott and Yann (aka a pansexual man and a black man, two groups most likely to be stereotyped as cheaters in fiction and other media).
> 
> And then there's WTFock. Dear WTFock. I love the show dearly but there are some things about Season 3 that I just really can't like for either personal or writing analysis reasons. The dropping of the hate crime plotline, for example, kind of tainted the series for me, as did (weirdly enough) the complete lack of boy squad interaction with Sander, which is just a personal important piece of Season 3 for me. Also, the fact that the one homophobic member of the boy squad was also the only POC member of the boy squad, which I was definitely not the biggest fan of.
> 
> I think the exact moment that had me permanently losing interest in the series was the weekend that OHN was supposed to happen. Watching that live was absolutely draining and NOT in a good way. Dragging out the moment that they came back together, all while worrying about Sander's mental and physical wellbeing (because in that moment there were all of the implications of him being suicidal) was kind of irresponsible on the writers' behalf considering the format of the show (the everyday, live, immersive format).
> 
> So, the official divergence point for each series, for this series, to make this final, is going to be this:
> 
> Nothing post Season-3 for France (Imane and Sofiane got together in this version of events, but without all the Manon drama or the girl squad being horrible to her. No deaf!Arthur plot line or whatever the fuck they are currently doing in Season 6 to finally do the inconceivable and ruin an Evak pairing).
> 
> Nothing past Season 4 for Druck. While I'm probably going to watch Druck Season 5, anything that happens will in all likelihood not be incorporated into this series.
> 
> Nothing past the clip in which Robbe sees Sander kissing Britt in episode 5 for WTFock. Sander's backstory is completely different in this series (as explained by the first three fics in this series), and Robbe never went back to live with his mom. Also, Senne and Zoe never broke up.
> 
> Nothing past Season 3 in Skam Italia, if only because Season 4 has yet to come out and I'm still a bit squicky about the whole whitewashing Sana situation.
> 
> Nothing past the Season 4 finale of the OG Skam, aka the easiest one to work with.
> 
> Nothing past the end of Season 3 for Skam Espana, as Amira Naybet in this version of events is a lesbian and thus (though I'll probably actually like Season 4 of Espana for once out of all the Season Fours) won't be canon compliant.
> 
> Nothing past the end of Season 2 for Skam NL, for somewhat obvious reasons.
> 
> Nothing past the end of Season 2 for Skam Austin, for somewhat similar obvious reasons.
> 
> Alright, did that make sense for everyone? Fantastic.

_What if I'm far from home?_

_Oh brother, I will hear you call_

_What if I lose it all?_

_Oh sister, I will help you out_

_Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you_

_There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do_

**_-Avicii_ , Hey Brother**

It was probably not the best idea in the world to drag Marti along to the mall with Cris, but Joana and all of her counterparts are busy working on their movie and Isak and Lucas are off probably causing chaos, Robbe is having dinner at the flat, and Matteo is taking a nap.

Therefore, Marti gets to be her semi-unwilling victim.

“You know I love you, Cris,” Marti says, “But I seriously have questions as to why you brought me.”

“You’ll be honest with me if clothes suck,” Cris says, and Marti nods in concession to that point. “And, to be honest, are _any_ of our counterparts good to be my semi-willing shopping partner?”

Cris can practically see Marti running throught the options. Robbe, who wears shirts until they literally fall apart and wears the same jacket to nearly everything; Isak, who thinks that snapbacks and windbreakers are the height of fashion; Matteo, whose boy squad literally had to coerce him into wearing jeans that _actually_ fit and dresses (somehow) in a more grandpa style than Marti; and of course Lucas, who will wear sweatpants with literally everything if given the option. Marti may not have a sense of fashion, but at least he owns his own sense of style and can analyze other people’s style due to his long association with Filippo and Elia, who drilled fashion advice into him years ago.

Cris is also rather aware of the fact that Joana and her counterparts would only make better shopping partners for the single fact that most of them would be more enthusiastic about shopping than Cris’ counterparts. Joana’s counterparts are plagued by as many style issues as Cris’ are.

Joana’s counterparts can _very_ reliably be depended on for romantic gestures of epic import, whether a mural on a wall or a movie dedicated to their partner or the red strings or a series of paintings or a date to an unexpected place or a first kiss in a pool or any other number of cute shit, but style is not as reliable a feature of their repertoire, unless you count most of them wearing the exact same jacket 24/7.

(And so what if they can pull it off? Just because Cris and her counterparts have had the debate several times over and everytime end of agreeing that their partners’ jackets and style choices definitely worked well enough to make them fall in love with them.

So what if Cris and her counterparts have no style? They can still judge their partners’ sense of style (and secretly adore it) as much as they want.)

But back to today’s mission, which is, unfortunately, to buy Cris’ mother a Christmas present, which is why they’re currently in the “older ladies” section of the store, wih Cris' partner-in-crime of Marti by her side.

This doesn’t mean, though, that Cris can’t have all of the fun in the world with Marti _after_ their mission is over- fun which starts when she drags him out of the store after they’ve bought her mother a scarf and into another clothes store, where she starts flipping through clothes at the speed of light.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Marti asks, sounding almost concerned at her behavior.

Cris just snorts. “We’re playing a game of Worst Outfit In The World.”

Marti blinks. “We’re what?”

“Rules are simple. You have five minutes to pick the absolute ugliest pairing of shit that you think I couldn’t possibly pull off in a million years. Then we both go into the dressing rooms and try them on, then we get someone to judge who's wearing the worst outfit. Whoever picked the worst outfit wins. I used to play it with the girls back in Madrid all the time.”

She expects Marti to protest. She expects him to argue. And she has a million and one rebuttals to his arguments, plenty of encouragements as to why he should go along with her plans.

But instead, Marti’s expression softens into a small smile and he nods. “Deal,” he says, "Though we are going to have sort out some way to judge this properly."

"Deal," Cris says, then waves him off in the direction of clothes. "Now, go search."

However, Cris is pretty sure that Marti shouldn’t be trusting her as much as he is, as she quickly fires off a text to Lucas and Isak, who she’s pretty sure are somewhere else in the mall. 

**GROUPCHAT: losientocris, isakyaki, lucallemant**

**we’re having an ugly dressing competition & i thought u 2 would b great judges**

**_isakyaki:_ ** **who’s we?**

**marti and i r at the mall playing worst outfit in the world & we need a judge**

**_lucallemant_** **: time for some fucking revenge**

 **_Isakyaki_** **: text us what store ur in**

**done**

Cris smirks as she shoves her phone back in her purse. Despite being among the least “snakish” of her counterparts, Cris isn’t afraid to humiliate her counterparts to each other- and besides, she thinks that she can rope Lucas and Isak into the shenanigans as well.

Within a minute- literally before Marti's even returned from trying to pick out Cris' outfit- Lucas and Isak stroll into the store, Isak in his snapback, Lucas in that ROMANCE hoodie of his he refuses to part from despite having owned it since high school.

Cris waves wildly in their direction and the idiots take a full five seconds to spot her and head over. Marti arrives at the same moment, a rather blindingly colored dress in his hand, and he just quirks an eyebrow at them. "What are you two doing here?"

"Participating in the game, what else?" Lucas asks, glancing down at the dress in Marti's hands. "That for Cris?"

"Who else?" Marti says with a smirk, holding the dress out to Cris, who just rolls her eyes.

"You get to hold onto that, Marti. Everyone has five minutes to pick an article of clothing for everyone else," she says, "Meet back up here and compare. Now _go_!"

Over the course of the next hour, Cris manages to get so much fucking blackmail it isn't even funny. She manages to get photos of Lucas in a pair of jeans in an absolutely disgusting shade of banana yellow and a tiger-print button-up, gets Isak into a red feathered jacket that looks like the only person in the world who would be able to pull it off would be Elton John, and Marti in a pair of snakeskin-patterned skinny pants.

In exchange, Marti manages to get Cris into a blindingly neon 70s-inspired dress and a pair of atrocious ladybug-patterned sunglasses. Lucas adds on a pair of powder blue cowboy boots and Isak grabs a light green snapback to complete the "worst look" trifecta.

"I've definitely got the worst outfit," Cris says, "But you three can't split a win in this game."

"I am _definitely_ to blame for the worst part of that outfit," Lucas insists, and Marti shakes his head.

"No way, Lallemant," Marti says, "That dress and the sunglasses are the absolute worst."

"Yeah, but grabbing her two things is cheating," Isak says, gesturing emphatically with his fully feathered arm.

Cris just grins and snaps a few more candid photos of the boys to send to their boyfriends (or, in Isak's case, fiance) later on, then heads back to the changing room as she lets them squabble, Isak and Lucas' confrontational nature butting up against Marti's quieter (but still plenty there) competitiveness. She changes and then returns to find them still discussing it, still dressed in their absurd outfits.

"I say that I win because I collected the most blackmail material," Cris says, waving her phone with a smirk, and all three guys halt and turn to look at her, eyes wide.

"Don't you fucking dare," Isak says, and Cris give him a shit-eating grin.

"Si, I did," she says, practically skipping past them and out the door of the shop. Isak and Lucas lurch in her direction before Marti grabs their sleeves, pulling them back and gesturing at their clothes.

"We can't leave still wearing the merchandise," Marti says, the constant voice of reason, and Isak and Lucas both glare at him even as they seem to be listening to him.

"Meet you in the food court, losers!" Cris calls, then heads out, already moving the photos into text messages. She's not cruel enough to post them on Instagram, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to have these photos cued up for their inter-counterpart group chat.

(Let it never be said that Cris doesn't have the capability to be as sneaky as the rest of her counterparts.)

-

"You know," Marti says as they're all sitting at a table in the food court, the three boys in front of her all still recovering from the trauma of the shopping experience- apparently they don't have her stamina. They're all eating froyo and Cris has finally put her glasses back on- she'd taken them off for the Worst Outfit In The World game, but she definitely wants to be able to see again. "Despite the blackmail material you now have on us, that was actually kind of fun."

Cris snorts. "Of course it was. Shopping's always fun, if you can make a game of it."

"Well, I didn't know," Isak says, staring directly at his cup of frozen yogurt in front of him. "I didn't exactly go out shopping much in high school. Wasn't really the whole "straight" thing to do."

"You didn't get dragged around by the girls?" Lucas asks, raising an eyebrow, and Isak shakes his head.

"Nah, our squads didn't really merge until after Magnus and Vilde started dating."

Marti laughs. "God, Luchino was a mess when he had a crush on Silvia. I'm so glad he finally got his head out of his ass."

The rest of the conversation, though, Cris starts to tune out.

Cris remembers high school. She remembers what happened with Lucas- her Lucas, back in Madrid- being terrified of coming out, of what might happen if she did. She remembers all the ways in which everything changed and yet nothing did when she came out.

And she remembers all of the ways her sexuality journey differed from her counterparts'.

Cris' sexual awakening was different than her counterparts- she never had a crush on her best friend. She never dwelled under the weight of a desperately unrequited crush for years, feeling it crush her day by day, learning to hate herself and fear the world.

No, Joana entering her life triggered the realization that this, with Joana, this relationship, these kisses and cuddles and sex and trips to movie theatres and nights curled in bed watching rentals and badly cooked toast and mistakes and adventures and the entire goddamn world at their feet- this was what she wanted. 

Her counterparts' Joanas arriving in their lives- it didn't trigger a realization about sexuality, it triggered a realization that there was a sincere possibility that they could be out and in a relationship and actually _happy_ in their lives. It allowed them to leave the place where they'd been stuck for years and move out into the light.

Cris frowns a little as she scoops up another spoonful of ice cream. She kind of wishes that she had that shared experience, horrible though it was. All five of her counterparts can relate to that feeling of hiding, that feeling of having known about themselves for years- she doesn't have that.

It's not that she's jealous of the experience that they had- she wouldn't wish that kind of agony of having to keep your true self hidden on anyone- but she can't deny that she sometimes feels a bit alone among her counterparts because she's missing that fundamental experience.

"Alright, Defcon 4," Marti says, and Cris' gaze snaps up to meet his. She finds that Isak and Lucas are also looking at her, eyebrows raised. "Cris isn't smiling. What's going on?"

"Oh, fuck you, Marti," Cris says.

"No thanks," Marti automatically responds. "Seriously, though, what's the matter?"

Cris snorts. "Just thinking about family."

"The shitty ones you call your parents, your decent brother, or us?" Lucas asks, and god does Cris get that feeling. She knows that feeling of finally having found a home outside of her parents' house, of considering her friends her family.

"The shitty originals," Cris says.

"I'm texting Joana," Lucas says, and Cris nearly swears.

"Don't pull her away from her project just because my mommy issues reared their ugly head."

Isak snorts. "God, don't we all have those."

And yes, they do- but her counterparts' mommy issues are different than hers. Theirs center around mental illness, with a later-in-life acceptance of who they are- her mother never accepted her and Joana. Her mother and her relationship is still stressed, after all these years. Despite Cris and Marti both being in the spot of never leaving home, he and his mother have a great relationship to this day. Cris and her mother very much do not.

"Fuck," Lucas says, and scoots his chair in her direction so that he can lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I don't think the usual sense of humor is really working out for you right now, is it?"

Though Robbe is easily the most emotionally sensitive among her counterparts, Cris does have to admit that each of them are emotionally aware in their own way, with their own ways to reassure each other. Matteo and Cris prefer physical touch, Marti and Lucas verbal language, Isak and Robbe spending time with others who need it.

"Mierda," she says, running her hands over her face, "All of this pressure from school is really getting to me, isn't it?"

"You're telling me," Marti says with a small, low laugh deep in his throat. "Last week I actually told Nico that if I got below a B in my Finances of Bioengineering class then I might very well quit and become a hermit and go and live in the woods."

"As if you wouldn't love that, you introvert," Isak says, and Marti flips Isak off.

"It's not like he's wrong, Marti," Cris says, starting to smile. "You know you like to stay inside all the time."

Marti leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, leaving an empty cup of froyo on the table in front of him. "I play football all the time with you guys."

Lucas shrugs. "Okay, touche," he says, and there's something about Lucas' native accent nailing the French word that is almost comforting, somehow putting Cris at even further ease.

Becoming best friends with a bunch of guys was not exactly where Cris saw her university years going, but she can’t exactly say that she’s that upset. These guys- boys though they most certainly are- get her in a way that most don't.

Sure, she has a different parent situation than most of them do. Other than Marti, none of her counterparts have lived with their parents since they were 15. But she _does_ understand rocky parental relationships. She understands the feeling of having to hold a secret so close to your chest that you feel like you just might explode from the force of it.

She understands being in love with someone who sees the world through the lens of a movie. She understands being in love with someone of the same gender as you, someone who the world doesn't expect you to fall in love with.

Sure, she’s in love with a girl with long hair and soft hands and an absolutely _fantastic_ set of boobs, not a boy who's made of leanness and hard angles and stubble, but the premise is the same. She understands being fetishized and spat at and misunderstood and hated just because you fell in love with someone of the same sex as you.

Sure, she doesn't have all the things in common with her counterparts, but there are things that separate all them. They are all different and alone in their own ways, have their own stories. Sure, she is missing a big part of the story, but so are each of them. Each of their personalities are different, they all have certain likes and dislikes that others don't.

Marti and Lucas are the only ones that play foosball. Lucas was the only one whose first kiss didn't happen in a pool. Isak and Lucas are grumpy and confrontational in a way that almost none of the rest of them are. Matteo is the only one of them not studying science. Only Robbe and Matteo have a mental illness. Matteo, Lucas, and to an extent Robbe can cook- the rest of them can burn water. Cris, Isak, and Marti are studying the same thing, while Robbe, Matteo, and Lucas are all studying different things. Marti and Cris never left their mothers and lived in a flat before moving to Antwerp. Cris, Marti, and Isak are the only ones with siblings. Cris is the only girl, sure, but she's not the only one who's different.

And yet despite all of these differences, they all understand each other. They are all there for each other. They use the term "counterparts" to show off that weird relationship that sits between them, somewhere between siblings and best friends and mirrors. They make each other comfortable in a way that cannot be entirely expressed or explained.

"I was told that I was needed?" Cris' favorite voice in the world asks, and Cris looks up to find Joana standing there, orange-tipped hair pulled back into her usual art-working-bun, familiar jean jacket wrapped around her.

(It's been years and yet Cris still loves that jacket with all she has. Maybe Joana and her counterparts don't have a wide sense of fashion, but that jean jacket and Joana's boots are a style that Cris _definitely_ loves.)

Cris is all too happy to push her chair back, completely abandoning Lucas, and run over to hug her girlfriend. Joana lets out a small laugh- one of the most beautiful sounds in the world- and wraps her arms around Cris's shoulders, hugging her back and pressing a kiss into her hair.

"Good to see you too, querida," Joana says, and despite the years separating them out from the first time Joana held her like this, it's still just as effective at soothing Cris' frayed nerves and stuttering thoughts.

"So, Bianchi Acosta," Lucas says, "How's the movie going?"

"Just fine, Lallemant," Joana says as she and Cris head over to the table, where Cris sits back down where she was seated before and pats her lap. Joana rolls her eyes but takes the suggestion anyway, sitting down. Cris wraps her arms around Joana's waist and tucks her chin over Joana's shoulder, smiling at her other counterparts while breathing in Joana's perfume.

"You two are too cute," Isak says, nose wrinkling, "You mind?"

"You could've easily summoned your fiance," Joana points out, gesturing to his phone, and Isak's eyes light up as he glances down.

"That I could've," he says, and proceeds to type away at his phone.

Cris, in turn, points a finger at her phone lying on the table. Joana understands her gestures easily and picks it up, swiping the screen open. The phone opens to their group chat pulled up, where the photos of Isak, Lucas, and Marti are sitting, waiting to be sent.

"Mierda," Joana mutters, utter glee in her tone, and Cris nods against her neck, hiding her smile in Joana's jean jacket. "You three look like complete idiots."

"Wait a minute," Marti says, eyes widening as he looks at Cris' phone in Joana's hands, "How the fuck do you know-?"

But it's too late. Joana's pressed **send** and their phones are all chiming with notifications for the **SIX BADASSES AND SIX DUMBASSES** groupchat.

**GROUPCHAT: SIX DUMBASSES AND SIX BADASSES**

**_sterkerdanijzer_ _:_ holy shit who convinced the trio to dress up?**

**_da_vid.gif:_ That is certainly a new look for the three of you.**

**_artvandeley_ : I think I like Isak's new look.**

**_srodulv_ : I think Lucas' is better.**

_**lastloveronearth** _ **: I think Marti's new pants are the most flattering.**

**Are you all seriously flirting in the groupchat?**

**_earthlingoddity_ _:_ Does Joana have Cris' phone?**

**Yeah, but Cris managed to get you all those beautiful photos!**

**_artvandeley_ : Much appreciated :)**

**_srodulv_ : I would definitely like to second Even here.**

**_lastloveronearth_ : Thirded.**

"I swear to god you two are _dead_ ," Lucas says, glaring straight at Joana and Cris, and Cris just shrugs from behind Joana, plastering on a look of innocence.

"Good thing you don't believe in god, then," Joana says as Cris smothers her laughter in her girlfriend's jacket.

"You still haven't taken revenge on Marti for the whole bet thing, so I doubt you'll be able to take revenge on either of us, anyway," Cris says, and Lucas' eyes go wide as Marti leans forward with a small laugh and holds out a high five that Joana is more than willing to reciprocate.

"I have no idea why they didn't sort you into Slytherin," Isak grumbles, still staring at his phone.

"Aw, that's because I'm too nice," Cris says, flattering her eyelashes, and she can feel the beautiful rumble of Joana's laugh against her ear.

"And too smart," Joana agrees, leading to Cris turning her head just enough to press a kiss to Joana's jaw.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the wait between fics, guys! As mentioned in the beginning notes, I lost inspiration for this fandom for awhile and I'm glad to have finally gotten it back!
> 
> If you guys liked this fic, feel free to leave kudos and a comment! Comments are actually often what keeps motivation/inspiration from drying up.


End file.
